Meeting the Hidden Parts of Ourselves

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As children, we can quickly learn what behaviours are accepted—or disapproved of—and to fit in and avoid rejection, we often hide parts of ourselves that others seemed uncomfortable with, criticised, or misunderstood.

 

These repressed qualities formed what I came to understand as the Shadow. Much of what I discovered within my own Shadow was not dark or harmful, but aspects of myself that had been overlooked, suppressed, or never fully acknowledged.

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My own exploration of the Shadow focused largely on understanding hidden fears, vulnerabilities, and aspects of myself that had gone unrecognised. However, life also taught me that hidden aspects of human behaviour are not always connected to fear, vulnerability, or past experiences.

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Over the years, I encountered situations where people presented themselves in one way whilst concealing aspects of their behaviour that were very different. Some of those experiences had a significant impact on my life and reinforced the importance of paying attention to what people do rather than simply what they say.

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Learning about the Shadow deepened not only my understanding of myself, but also my understanding of others. It reminded me that human behaviour is often more complex than it first appears and strengthened my trust in my own instincts when something did not feel right.

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I started to learn more about the Shadow through my early workshops. Some people spoke about suppressing feelings of anger because they viewed them as unacceptable or harmful. However, when they acknowledged and explored this emotion it lead to a deeper understanding of the underlying causes which provided an opportunity for constructive expression and resolution.

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For some it was feelings of insecurity or inadequacy. By confronting these insecurities, they could uncover underlying beliefs or experiences contributing to self-doubt and cultivate greater self-confidence and self-acceptance.

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I remember so many spoke of shame which often seemed to stem from past experiences or perceived failures and often it was a deeply ingrained shadow aspect. By shining a light on feelings of shame and self-judgment, they could begin to heal emotional wounds and develop greater compassion and self-love.

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Many spoke of painful or traumatic memories and as they spoke they recognised these memories had become the shadow, as they avoided confronting them. However, by facing those memories with courage and compassion, they processed unresolved emotions and achieved a sense of closure and healing. This was a truly humbling experience and one I’ve never forgotten because of the trust shared in that environment.

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I was told vulnerability was a weakness and from that I often suppressed or hid my true feelings out of fear of rejection or judgment. Later in life, when I began embracing and recognising vulnerability as a natural and essential part of the human experience, I developed deeper connections with others.

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The presence of an unacknowledged inner shadow can have far-reaching effects on various aspects of our lives. It may manifest in self-sabotaging behaviours, and feelings of unworthiness. By remaining unconscious of these shadow aspects, we risk being controlled by them, leading to a lack of authenticity and fulfilment in our life.

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My primary goal was to integrate the disowned aspects of myself into my conscious awareness, leading to greater self-acceptance, and inner peace.

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In my late twenties was when I became increasingly curious about understanding myself and human behaviour more deeply. This was a rewarding period of discovery in my life. The more I learned, the more connections I began to see between my own experiences and ideas that had been explored by others long before me.

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During this time, I discovered the work of Carl Jung. His theories on the Shadow, Archetypes, Symbolism, and the unconscious resonated deeply with me. They gave me language for experiences I had often sensed but struggled to explain. 

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Jung's ideas did not create something new; they helped me understand and validate much of what I was already beginning to discover within myself.

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One idea often led naturally to another. The more I explored, the more my understanding deepened. These concepts not only helped me understand myself differently, but also broadened my understanding of relationships, emotional patterns, personal growth, and the experiences of others.

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Triggers & Emotional Patterns

One of the first things I began noticing was my emotional triggers. I did this by taking time to look honestly at my reactions to different situations, people and behaviour. At times, I could become unexpectedly emotional, and these reactions often seemed stronger than the situation itself appeared to justify.

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This gave me a glimpse into parts of myself I had suppressed or disowned during my earlier years.

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For much of my life, I often placed the needs of others ahead of my own. Somewhere within me, I believed that by constantly being there for others, meeting expectations, or avoiding criticism, I would feel accepted, valued, and safe.

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But when those efforts were not recognised or returned, I often felt hurt, unseen, overlooked, or emotionally depleted.

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Sometimes certain situations, tones of voice, criticism, rejection, or conflict would create emotional reactions.

At first, I judged these reactions harshly.

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Later, I began approaching them with curiosity instead.

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I started asking myself:

• Why does this affect me so deeply?

• What does this feeling remind me of?

• Where have I felt this before?

Slowly, I realised that many triggers were connected to much older emotional experiences, fears, or learned patterns that had never been fully understood or processed.

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Recognising my triggers helped me see these dynamics more clearly. It wasn't about blaming others. It was about understanding how I had learned to relate and choosing to respond differently.

 

The Inner Child & the Shadow

The Inner Child and the Shadow are deeply connected, but they are not the same.

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Carl Jung introduced both concepts. The Inner Child represents our early emotions, memories, experiences, joys, fears, and wounds—particularly those that felt overwhelming, unresolved, or misunderstood.

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These parts of us do not simply disappear as we grow older. They continue living quietly beneath the surface, often influencing our adult behaviours, choices, relationships, insecurities, and emotional reactions in ways we may not immediately recognise.

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The Shadow can sometimes feel uncomfortable or even frightening because it often contains aspects of ourselves we have rejected, judged, hidden, or misunderstood.

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Through Inner Child work, I began approaching these parts with tenderness rather than judgment.

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I was learning to understand the experiences, emotions, and pain that had shaped those hidden parts of myself.

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Exploring the Inner Child became crucial in understanding my Shadow.

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By listening to both the hurt and the joy within me, I began integrating and accepting aspects of myself that I had never fully acknowledged.

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Understanding this brought me a great deal of compassion.

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Rather than judging myself harshly for certain fears, reactions, or emotional sensitivities, I began recognising that some parts of me were still carrying experiences that had never fully felt safe, heard, understood, or comforted.

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This changed my perspective.

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I was learning to pay attention to what was already there.

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Archetypes, Symbolism & Reflection

This was an exciting period of my life. The more I learned, the more connections I began to see. Ideas that had once felt separate slowly started fitting together.

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For me, tarot became a tool for inner growth rather than something mysterious. I saw it as a way of exploring deeper emotional and psychological patterns within ourselves.

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The first tarot deck I encountered was inspired by Greek mythology. My friend, who owned the cards, was interested in discovering what the future might hold. I found myself drawn to something quite different.

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What interested me was the symbolism.

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For me, the imagery and archetypes within the cards reflected aspects of human experience—strength, fear, vulnerability, wisdom, transformation, loss, courage, creativity, beginnings, endings, and growth.

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At the time, these symbolic images helped me explore thoughts, emotions, and experiences that were often difficult to express directly in words.

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They became reflective mirrors, helping me understand parts of myself more clearly.

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They did not give me answers. Instead, they encouraged self-inquiry.

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They helped me pause, reflect, and become more aware of recurring emotional patterns, relationship dynamics, fears, strengths, and possibilities for growth.

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For me, this became another quiet doorway into understanding myself and others.

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Later as I developed my coaching and group work, I began using the cards as a reflective tool with clients. I found that the imagery and symbolism often helped people open up and explore thoughts and feelings that were difficult to express directly. It encouraged them to look and listen to themselves in a new way.

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Throughout my work, I have always taken a strengths-based approach, focusing on people's abilities, resilience, and potential for growth. The cards became one of many tools I could use to support this process. Their value was not in providing answers but in creating conversations, encouraging self-reflection, and uncovering strengths people often did not recognise within themselves.

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Years later, I discovered that many counsellors and therapists, particularly in America, were already using cards and other creative tools in a similar way. Their purpose was not prediction, but communication, reflection, and personal insight. This reinforced something I had already come to believe: sometimes people find it easier to explore their inner world through images, symbols, stories, and metaphor than through direct questioning alone.

 

Returning to Ourselves

As my understanding deepened, I slowly realised that self-awareness is not about becoming perfect or endlessly analysing ourselves.

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It is about learning to meet ourselves honestly.

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It is about recognising the hidden patterns, emotional wounds, fears, strengths, and protective behaviours we have carried throughout life, whilst remembering that none of these things define our entire identity.

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The more compassion I brought to myself, the less fear I felt towards the parts of me I had once tried to hide.

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Over time, I began understanding that healing often begins by gently acknowledging what we have spent years avoiding.

• Not with shame.

• Not with judgment.

But with honesty, awareness, compassion, and curiosity.

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You Could Try Reflecting On...

• What parts of myself have I hidden, rejected, or misunderstood?

• What emotional patterns continue repeating throughout my life?

• When do I feel most emotionally triggered, and what might those reactions be trying to show me?

• What younger parts of myself may still need understanding, reassurance, or compassion?

There is no right or wrong way to explore these questions. You may prefer to sit quietly with them, write your reflections down, or discuss them with someone you trust.

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Sometimes a conversation with a friend, coach, counsellor, or therapist can help us see things from a different perspective and gently uncover insights we may not have recognised on our own.

 

For some people, exploring deeper emotional patterns, past experiences, or unresolved wounds can bring strong feelings to the surface. It may be helpful to seek support from a trusted professional who can provide guidance and support throughout that process.